It’s in your story!
Think about the story you have been telling yourself about yourself, especially when it comes to the hard and difficult moments of your life, the challenges you had to face when it comes to your health, your relationships, work, finances… Is it a story full of annoying problems, anger, sadness, regret, sarcasm, complaining, finger pointing, “poor me” and “if only’s”? Or is it a story of important learning opportunities, personal responsibility, courage, humility, gratitude, compassion, “lucky me” and “thank you’s”? If you could do it all again, would you want to change your life? Or would you take the hard times again, because you know you wouldn’t be who and where you are right now without them?
We can have lived through the same hardship and still might be telling ourselves completely different stories!
Compare these two versions of my story (guess which one I am using):
“Why did I have to grow up in such a dysfunctional family? If my parents had made me feel more emotionally secure and had not had so many issues themselves, I probably would not have ended up developing an Eating Disorder, which made me miss out on so much during my Teens and 20’s! Instead of having fun and boyfriends, like the others, all I was busy with was food, running, studying and working. Almost nobody really liked me… and honestly, you cannot blame them! I am just such a weirdo, so complicated and annoying, always asking questions… Always been and probably always will be an outsider. The fact that I look so young isn’t really helpful either. People in the business world never really take me seriously and coaching clients assume I cannot have lots of experience yet! I always have to work twice as hard to prove that I actually know something! On top of all of this, my hormones were so out of balance that I was suffering the most dreadful period cramps for years! And sex was painful too (when I finally found someone who wanted a real relationship with me…). Yeah, I know, I have an issue with my Feminine – thank you patriarchic culture!! Surely all of this mess is also behind my two miscarriages. If those had not happened, I would not be single again at 36! Who knows if I am ever going to have children! Why is all of this happening to me? What did I do to deserve all of this? Why can I not just be normal and happy, like everyone else? How I wished I could go for a run now, but I cannot because of my crappy knees… Life is so unfair!”
“I chose to be born into a somewhat dysfunctional family with quite some emotional instability and this was likely one of the main contributing factors why I developed an Eating Disorder as a teenager. While it was indeed a dark and lonely time in my life, I was able to slowly pull myself out of it throughout my 20’s. Had I not gone through and transformed my Eating Disorder, I might have never learned about holistic health and Mind-Body-Nutrition and would certainly not be helping women and girls to overcome their own food and body issues today. The fact that I look quite young is actually an advantage when it comes to connecting to girls. Being so curious and asking many questions allows me to always find new perspectives on things and make sense out of seeming chaos. If I had not struggled with my period and hormones, I might have never studied so much about them and would probably not be helping women with fertility and adrenal fatigue issues today. If I had not had issues with intimacy and sexuality for over 30 years, I might have never explored into this direction and thus would have missed out on mind-blowing insights, people and experiences – and would certainly not be in a position to help women and girls to reconnect to their own Feminine Power today. If I had not suffered from chronic knee pain, I actually might have ended up destroying my body. I certainly would not have slowed down nor learned how to lower inflammation through diet, lifestyle and mindset. I might never have learned about the symbolism of symptoms, which is an invaluable asset in my day-to-day life and professional practice. If I had not suffered two miscarriages, I would probably not have ended my relationship at this point in time and would certainly not be on the path I am on right now, a path which fills me with deep joy and happiness, and teaches me about unconditional love and how to engage in profound emotional healing – something that is not only infinitely valuable to myself, but also allows me to help my clients even more effectively. Even though it’s definitely not been an easy journey, I am very grateful for having gone through each and every part of it, because it all served me to learn important lessons and to grow as a person. For nothing in the world would I want to exchange what I have learned along the way nor where I am at today. I feel blessed and loved and have unshakable trust both in myself and in the Universe, even when things around me seem to be falling apart sometimes. If I am on this path, it means I am able to handle whatever I encounter on it.”
The story you tell yourself is one of your most powerful tools and makes the difference in everything: from your physical and emotional metabolism and health over your success in just about any area of life (work, finances, relationships…) to your sense of happiness and fulfillment.
This is why one of the first things I ask my clients to do is to re-story – their life in general, or how it relates to the particular challenge that brings them to me (i.e. fertility). Yes, your life might have been hard, you might have suffered big times, not been treated fairly, even been abused… but you can grow out of the hardship, you don’t have to be a victim or suffer for the rest of your life from it. You are not a bad person because of your past nor does your past have to define your future.
To the contrary, your story can be your biggest asset! In fact, lamenting your past makes you miss out on the incredible opportunity to give meaning to it. You can actually learn from your difficulties and transform them into fertilizer for your future! Your story is what makes you unique. The hardship you have endured was not in vain, but qualifies you to serve this planet and its beings in a way that only you can. Your purpose is in your story!
As soon as you switch your mindset from “Life is against me and has always punished me” to “Life is on my side and has always had my best interest in mind”, you can start to realize how all that you had to go through actually served your purpose here on this planet. This inner shift will inevitably be followed by outer shifts, usually allowing you to finally lose unwanted symptoms and improving the quality of your life experience dramatically.
In order to help you re-story ask yourself the following questions:
- In what way did your past (or present) struggles serve you?
- What was/is their function in the bigger picture of your life?
- What skills did they teach you or what skills are you being asked to learn?
- Can you accept where you are currently at without judgement?
When you stop complaining, you stop making your life and who you are wrong. It’s not a mistake. It all happened for a reason and in your best interest. Trust that you are exactly where you need to be and that somehow all of what you have lived and are living right now serves your true purpose. Even if you are currently not yet where you would like to be: Re-story by considering it all a spiritual task to grow.
By making your story right, you are making yourself right. And by making yourself right, you get out of constant resistance and conflict with a part of yourself, out of fight-or-flight mode and thus out of stress, inflammation and disease. Instead, you drop into deep alignment with all of who you are, into relaxation, and thus into the place where true healing can finally take place.