If you ever feel like a failure
Every now and then I find myself in a very dark mood. So dark that I seriously consider throwing the towel. Shutting it all down. Getting myself a job again and stopping what sometimes feels like an uphill struggle.
Just considering the option of letting it all drop puts me through all kinds of emotions: from anger, frustration, sadness and self-pity, over almost a feeling of “relief” to huge shame. In such moments I feel like such a failure. I used to be the girl who always had the best grades in school and business school, yet I often feel I am not applying all that knowledge when it comes to my own business, that somehow I am not able to transfer all that I have in my head in an effective way, that I could do much “better”.
Part of it is due to me simply having very high ambitions and expectations: I know that I have the potential to make a much bigger impact than I currently do, and that I am growing there slowly but steadily, but then… I want to be there already! Yet in order to do so I need to deal with the other part of the story, which is indeed about optimizing my ability to distill out the essential from all that I know and communicate it in a way that is simple, comprehensible and appealing.
Eventually the sun always comes out shining again, especially when I see how much progress my clients are making. In those moments I feel again the importance of the work I do, and I am more determined than ever to carry on and to improve. I am even glad about those short losses of confidence, because they show me how much I still tie my self-valuation to my performance – and how impatient I still am :). I have known for a long time that this is a pattern of mine, but in those moments I can FEEL and see it with such clarity, I literally catch it in action.
This allows me to consciously say a loud & clear “NO”. Again and again I can decide to refuse the idea of being a personal failure. Yes, I make mistakes. Yes, I could do better. Yes, I still have lots of areas to improve on. But who I am and what I am worth does NOT depend on the size of my business, the amount of money on my bank account, the number of clients or followers on facebook I have, nor on how I look, how smart I talk or how many titles or promotions I have.
What is failure anyways?
Isn’t it merely a sign, a gentle reminder of the Universe, that we still need to continue practicing, learning, fine tuning… – or that the road we are on simply is not ours to take?
How many times have you failed at something and this turned out to be the very thing that made you take a different road, be more creative, get stronger, better, sharper – and eventually successful?
Just like you cannot have day without night, light without dark, warm without cold, you cannot have success without failure. If you are afraid to assume the risk of failure, you will never try and as such you will never succeed. We tend to celebrate successful people, but we often forget that they were not born that way and have failed many, many times before their big breakthroughs. Not even trying is the only true failure there is.
So you can see, I am still learning my lesson from each and everyone of those dark experiences and am actually grateful for their gift in disguise. My hope is that they will inspire you too, because your worth does not depend on anything you could ever achieve or do either. As long as you tried your best, know that you are never a failure, even if you fail, and that failing is the road to eventually succeed. If you can realize this and integrate it for yourself, I congratulate you to this major success!